Author: tearj3rker
Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:45 am
Thanks hat.
Yeah I’ve noticed I’ve been posting a fair bit on this place lately. I find I post more when I’ve hit a rough patch. That old 12-step idea of "getting out of your head by helping others" has definitely left a mark on me.
A lot of what people read online leaves the impression that Interferon is a living nightmare. Honestly, I think there’s a lot of exaggeration going on for sympathy in some places. It’s no walk in the park, but I get the feeling those who are getting chemo for aggressive tumors have it worse physically. So far, aside from the recent mood down turn, I’ve had a bit of ongoing nausea, a rash around my ankles and elbows and knuckles, bad dandruff, and a weird slightly flu-ey sick feeling, especially 24-48 hours post injection. The psychological side is more worrying. When I normally get depressed, it’s a kinda lethargic, don’t wanna get outta bed or do anything kinda sadness. This is more like a "what’s wrong with my life. How did I get like this. Will it ever get better? " real hopeless introspection that can no doubt lead to bad decisions if it stays untreated.
My fear about relapse has a lot to do with the fact I metabolise the Subox really quickly when I’m on anti-deps. I’ve talked about it before I know. The things I have going for me I think are that I’m in a much better place in my recovery. I genuinely see the world of addiction as an ugly place that "isn’t me" anymore. Also, I’m not on Epilim anymore, a drug that compounded the problem.
So I’m hopeful overall. Not just that, if it turns out I metabolise the Subox too fast, I’m willing to increase my dose. Hell, even if it means my doc needs a special clearance to prescribe over 32mg (which has been talked about). I’m only on 12 at the moment. But when my liver works fast, it works real fast.
