Author: tearj3rker
Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:37 am
Thank you all so much for your support. It’s good to see people rally behind each other in times like these.
It might be irrelevant, but I’m no longer taking the Valium, as my girlfriend had some Rivotril lying around and Valium is a real nasty benzo for me to come-off. Why? I can’t explain. So I’m taking small amounts of Rivotril – 1mg early afternoon, 1mg evening.
Benzos are a real double edged sword as a detox-assist medication. On the one hand, they do help with the physical / psychological cravings… but their careless effect makes me feel more blaze about the thought of using. Which is freaky considering before this episode how determined I was. I was more determined than… ever! Then this happened. It’s probably a lesson I had to have. Maybe I was getting too confident? If it happened during a different time when I didn’t have all these plans, I woulda just detoxed. But I’m freaked about missing this holiday. I put so much effort into planning it.
Where I’m at now? I had 4mg Subox really early this early morning while I was still in bed, then dozed off again with it left in my mouth. I do this sometimes when my dose isn’t "holding me" as it lets me wake up fully withdrawal free. Anyway, woke up this morning and the aches were still there. It would have been 3-4 hours post dose, and I still had the taste in my mouth. Clearly my bupe levels are running on fumes.
Re the Oxycontin. The reason I was considering it over heroin was just the needle factor. I really don’t want to desensitise myself to the whole injecting process again. I’m at a point where the thought seems really alien, and I don’t wanna normalise it. It’s a very addictive ritual. I thought with Oxy I’d just take 1 tablet, slow release, and it’d hold off my withdrawals for the day. But you guys will know better.
Re using Heroin to detox. I don’t think it would work. I’m an IV heroin user. Using heroin any other way just *does not compute*. Injecting opioids, with its incredibly rapid onset and spike-in-levels, and its "rush", is really not condusive to recovery. Weening myself off buprenorphine by injecting heroin… at least for me… would be insane.
Anyway, I’m going to just take it easy today guys, rug up on the couch and make it out til tomorrow. Maybe do an agnostic prayer or two.
Take care and hope you’ve all had a happy non-denominational festive holiday season.
