Author: tearj3rker
Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 7:37 am
Thank you all for your help. Finallyachance – we know how it feels. The worst thing for me was the "not knowing". If I knew that come today (Wednesday) they would have had me back, I doubt I would have used. But the whole time I was freaking about missing out on this holiday, my new years plans, and whether I would stay clean if I was forced to "jump off" (clearly no).
Autononymous – I don’t have any plans to taper any time soon. Well, my plan is to get down to 8mg’s, and get 12 months on 8mg’s without using. I believe that we learn to stay clean long term when we progressively learn to handle harder cravings as we slowly taper our dose. In my case this time, I lost too much of my Suboxone buffer and I used. I used to medicate the fear & worry of getting booted off treatment. Weird, hey.
Anyway, back on the program now, thankfully. I got a coupla spots in the crook of my arm as a reminder, and that "brain fog" of recent agonist use. Worst of all is the self-anger, all the "if only’s"…
