Author: Redemption
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 9:16 pm
| jcb1981 wrote: | ||
Laddertipper, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. That’s exactly how I feel: like there’s nowhere to hide anymore. I’m on about day 50 and was doing so much better until something in my head just clicked and shot me straight to a nosedive. I thought that talking to my therapist/psychiatrist would help, but I couldn’t even find the words to describe this great malady. I can only describe it as utter despair. But my main problem with that is not knowing what’s reality and what’s withdrawal. This past week has found me hardly able to get out of my bed in the mornings, and I haven’t been to the gym in well over a week and a half. When I really think about it (and this is a point my therapist brought up), I haven’t been this sober in well over 10 years. I have had something to help me "cope" for so long now, including my five years on Suboxone, that I’m just kind of dangling out there in the breeze. Explaining it doesn’t really help people understand the void that stopping Suboxone has placed in my life. It really is quite a force to be reckoned with. I can’t even bring myself to bathe every day anymore. Exercise only seems to make things worse, which haunts me because I usually go to the gym five days a week. I’m just…sad: utterly and completely sad, and I also, like you, look back on my years on Suboxone and can’t think of a single great decision I made or emotional milestone I conquered during that time. Suboxone really did leave me numb as well. I’m just counting on day 90 bringing brighter days at this point. I have my heart set on that, which may be bad, but from everything I’ve read it can take 1 to 3 months to feel somewhat "normal" again. Thanks for your post. –Juan |
The worrying thing for me seems the depression which many people say never ends…They all say long term bup has done something to the brain that producing endorphins to counter attack depression is next to impossible…I honestly have yet to see anyboddy get off from long term bup and claim their extreme sadness & depression dissapeared..Some even have said your better off on sub for life because depression will always be there badly…I would hate to live the life you are now Juan with what being depressed all day and night which many have said it will most probably be with you forever..That long term sub use has damaged the brain to the extent of feeling depressed for years and years…But by staying on sub its just as same because bup builds in your body and mind. You get more unmotivated, bored and disinterested…Any medication you take for years and daily too your obviously going to feel in a fog and bored, even depressed too..So being on bup for couple of years and off it can be more or less the same sadness..
P.S your the first to say excercise makes things worst..I find that weird and strange…Excercise releases your endorphins so thus you should feel better…But people do say vigerous excercise is the trick, something like running 5-6 miles daily and cardio, and/or regular sports because couple of hours in the gym wont do it I heard…I think it’s easier for those folks who excercised vigerously before sub and while they were on it because I’ve been told it speeds recovery and makes detox that much bearable…But yeah am worried about 4-5-6 year sub use too and how some claim depression will last for several years if not all your life…I just can’t find many long term sub users for over 4 years stay clean or claim their depression ever lifted…I hope being on sub for 5 years and over was not in a way a depression sentence…Someone over another forum even prepared for suicide from post-bup depression and he was 5 months away from sub and only it for 2 years, he did a slow wean too andjumped from 0.25..He tried all sorts of meds yet nothing worked for him..Man he says depression was sooo extreme he genunnely tried to commit suicide..I think he’s bad on suboxone now and still feels sad because he says being on sub takes away your motivation, soberiety and zest for life…Man I wish I could be more positive but am just going bu other peoples true/real experiences…Sub is a new opiod and only recently people are coming off it after long-term use so thus nobdy knows long term implications and side-affects of sub…I feel for you man I dont know what to say…Am looking into Ibogaine but even that I hear people get badly depressed post-Iboga because it takes a lot out your brain…Man we are in a no win situation sometimes…
