Author: RsjxRsj
Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:06 am
Hi Jaun,
EVERYBODY here as already given you awesome responses and I really hope YOU get some hope from them all, I know I did and still do. That being said, I can’t begin to add anymore advice so I’m just going to share a couple things I went through around the 9-11 day mark as well because you are most definitely not alone Jaun. I’m not a crier either. At all. I’ve always been the "strong" one of all my siblings and I was the only person who did not cry at my fathers funeral in 2004. I jumped at 8mg on Aug. 20th, so I’m 40-something days out at this point… On or right around my 10th day, was a pivotal day for me, I specifically remember being awake all night, having not slept, then around 8:00am my phone beeped at me and it was a calendar notification, that day was one of my nieces birthdays. That I forgot. In that split second, emotions, that I had stuffed way down, going all the way back to 2004 came right up to the surface and I completely lost it. Like a snowball picking up more snow, I cried for 4 hours straight, the shaking, inconsolable, no stopping it whatsoever kind of crying. It scared the crap out of my boyfriend but he was wonderful and just let me ride it out. It also scared ME a little bit too and that is when I went to an urgent care clinic and got some Clonidine and a few Xanax. After that day, I spent several more days extremely emotional. TV commercials would set off crying spells, at work I’d have to excuse myself and go hide in the stairwell just to cry some more. After some days, I can’t say exactly how many, that aspect of it all just sort of worked itself out and the extreme sadness, grief & guilt quickly turned into relief, happiness and sheer JOY once I realized that I was making it over the "hump" and seeing the light at the end of that deep dark tunnel. And now, as I write this, I realize, If I had tried to put these thoughts "down on paper" 3-4 weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to. I’d be outside, in the parking garage, or hiding in my building’s stairwell, sobbing. But I’m not, I’m sitting here with a grin hoping that even a teency bit of light comes your way SOON Juan. It really does get better.
-Rsj
