Author: Romeo
Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 11:10 pm
Hey kinevol,
I went through a distint period of being grumpy…..actually, it was more akin to rage. I would go from mildly pissed off to full blown rage at the drop of a dime. This period of "hair trigger rage" lasted several weeks for me.
It seems to be true for many of us opiate addicts that PAWS causes many of us to relapse. It’s like during the acute phase we’re hanging by our finger nails knowing it will only last so long. We continue hanging by our finger nails, waiting for the "Great Big Feel Better" to happen, then PAWS sets in and we throw our hands in the air and say F*UCK it and go use.
I hear ya on wanting to feel normal again, believe me, I get ya. This is what my friends keep reminding me of though, am I better now than I was a month ago……I usually answer yes. We get locked into wanting to feel normal again, but we forget that it’s a process and we forget all the progress we made. We’re addicts dude, we don’t want no stinkin’ process, we want results….YESTERDAY!!!!
The truth of the matter is this, recovery from opiate addiction can be a long drawn out process, especially for those of us who abused for so long.
Here’s the next thing, I got through my acute wd, I got through my PAWS, then guess what hit me……living life without drugs!!! I’ve been doing a great big WTF on that one. How am I supposed to live drug free??? I lived my entire adult life ON drugs, now I don’t have a frickin’ clue as to how to really live without drugs. Drugs were my everything, they were my best friend, they were my pick me up, they were my energy, they made me happy. Now I’m learning how to do all that crap on my own and it’s a struggle, but I’m going for it because I like being completely drug free…..I just have to learn how to really live this way.
You’ve got a long road ahead of you Kinevol, I’m not gonna sit here and lie to you. But I know this, it’s rewarding, it’s beautiful and it’s how we were meant to live!!
Dig deep man, it does get better, but it takes WORK.
