Author: Romeo
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:34 pm
Hey kinevol,
You asked how is life without subs for me, well, it’s been a lot of things. It’s been exhilarating, it’s been scary as hell, it’s nice to be free of all opiates, but it’s also hard being free of all opiates, it’s nice to not have to wake up and reach for a pill. I take an anti-depressant and I take blood pressure medication, I forget to take my dang blood pressure medication all the time, I forgot to take my anti-depressant the other day and I never noticed any ill effects when I missed a dose of either of those medications. When I was on Suboxone, I never forgot a dose. If I did somehow miss a dose, I would know pretty dang quick that I missed my dose!
I say it’s been exhilarating because for the first time in my adult life, I am completely narcotic free!! That gives me a sense of pride that’s amazing to me.
I say it’s been scary as hell because I know I am just one hit away from total devastation. I now know that I can NOT use drugs successfully, but I still worry about a relapse. I’m an addict, the threat of drug use will always be an issue for me. I’m working my recovery program and doing the other things that a recovering addict needs to do, I have faith that I can live without drugs.
I said it’s hard to be free of all opiates, opiates always gave me a boost and now I have to re-train my brain to provide myself with that boost naturally and that’s been a real challenge for me. I go to work everyday, I go to meetings most every night, I’m married and have a wonderful daughter and they help give me a boost, but any "downtime" I have has been kind of difficult for me to deal with……I used to occupy my normal time with drug use and my downtime was occupied by excessive drug use. Honest to God, I’m still learning how to live my life without drugs. It’s easier said than done, but I ain’t giving up. I’m trying to put the same energy into my recovery that I used to put into finding and using drugs…..that’s a lot of dang energy!!!
All in all, I’m just thrilled to be off of drugs!! Learning to live drug free is difficult, but it’s also very rewarding.
