Author: GHOST RIDER
Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 3:16 pm
Thanks so much for talking to me!….It helps more than you know,..to know someone else has been through similar shit and they are doing ok,…..or at least getting by!.yeah,.it is scary for sure!..I am totally ready to make payments ( as long as they are managable) for the rest of my life to the irs and state,.just as long as I dont have to sell off all I own at this point and can have these personal properties to keep me happy,.or at least keep me satisfied!.I mean,……I kinda look at it as a loan from the gov,..with a big huge interest rate I guess?@!!! What i mean is,………I made it out of my suicide addiction alive,……and have a few things still, that are very important to me (possesion wise>toolbox still being paid on, Motorcycle owe 6 more payments, and my truck,…which I like to work on and tinker with), and I just would like to keep them! I know I screwed up back then!!!…..I want to get things set up for payment plans with irs and state, I just worry so much about these things,.haha…stupid right? I guess I justify it by thinking to myself,.that,…..I am 41, with no children,..and no home ownership, and no girlfriend,spouse or whatever to bring me emotional joy in life,………so I look at these things that I have to fill that void!
I bought or financed this motorcycle in the middle of my addiction and riding it back then and even now, sober,……is the only thing that comes close, or compares to the feeling I would get when I was high on handfuls of pills,..and it is a great way to clear your mind and get a sense of inner peace when you get out there on the road and buzz down the highway! So I would desperately like to keep it!
All of my life I have watched other co workers buy and work out of these nice toolboxes. For the last 16 years i have been working out of an old crappy craftsman toolbox. But I could never justify the cost! they are very expensive! Well,…….just 4 weeks ago,….feeling good about my recovery, and of course blocking out the unpaid debts I have with big brother, I saved up a lil money and put it down on a nice one and financed the rest for the next 3 years at 40 a week!. It showed up and I was in love right away!!
I enjoy going to work now because I actually feel like a real technician now,…not just a guy with 20 yrs experience and a crappy old beat up toolbox!….I mean,……I was always a good tech,………..but now,.i just FEEL like one when I go and slide one of the drawers open to grab something ya know?…..
well,…….I just wanna keep these simple joys in my life!….I dont care about making payments for life to the agencies,….as long as I can keep what I have now, and not be living under a bridge somewhere ya know?…
anyway..I am gonna get to work here on the computer and all this paperwork in front of me,…..and take your advise and look into the Advocate and do some research on how to go about all this from online help sources! I hope one day that you will win the lotto Amber!!…how nice it would be for one of us to just wipe all this crap off of out table and live happy and worry free from money probs with the agencies and big brother!..I know I would!!………..and,………hahahaha.you are gonna think this is the funniest shit!!,…..I even thought of writing to ol Bret Favre and tell him about my prescription painkiller addicition and the big trouble it has gotten me in and maybe he would have mercy on a fellow addict and pay off my tax debt so that I could stay focused on my recovery instead of all this tax nightmare!.I mean,.come on,…..he could pay it off and not even blink an eyelash at the amount!!
hahaha,…I know!!…….crazy!….stupid!……..pathetic!!…lol…..I know…..it is my wagon and burden,…….and I need to own up to it and get a grip and start taking care of it!…….it would just be SOOOO NICE,….not to have to worry and stress the F%&k out about all this, and just go to work,….come home,….and ride my MC on the weekends!………..SOBER!..
I will keep in touch and let ya know how it all is progressing!…….or whine about it all ,….lol……….I am definately happy that I got clean and continue to keep it as #1 priority,….I mean,…….I do enjoy sobriety,…..it is nice to have a clear head and not be high all the time!……..I just wish i would have taken care of this sooner,……I dont think it would have been as bad!……at least I have a chance to do that with the irs,………they have not put the boot on my throat yet,.so maybe me contacting them first will help!
thanks again for talking to me!………I really dont have any friends here in this town,..and my family,………….well,……..they just dont understand what I am going thru,…went thru,…….or why I did it all in the first place!………
Ghost Rider
