Author: nomoremommyfood
Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:43 pm
Hi!
I don’t know if their are any rules for self-incrimination, so please accept my apologies if I violate any rules I probably should have researched before posting…
I’ve been abusing whatever I could get my hands on since 14, but have been hopelessly addicted to opioids for the past 2 or 3 years (I know, I know, not very long compared to some standards!) after getting a seemingly endless Norco script for a shattered leg. First Norco, then Oxy/Dilaudid, then methadone, then heroin.
In my opinion, all these drugs produced similar effects, but mention heroin and the crowd runs.
After years of anti-depressants, something like 30 antidepressants/anti-psychotics/mood-stabilizers, plus a worthless stint in rehab, I researched buprenorphine and had a sneaking suspicion it might be the (hate to use this phrase) "miracle drug" I and a subset of patients with refractory depression might need – those who used opioids to self-medicate and those who never touched a drug in their lives.
(I’m trying to keep this short.)
Again, I’m a writer and – hate to be arrogant – a damn good writer. Most people read stanzas better than blocks of text, so I’ve learned.
Went on generic bupes four months ago and, just as I suspected, the drug managed kill all opioid cravings, as well as those for booze and coke (the cigarettes, well, I’m throwing up my hands in a cloud of smoke at that one). And, more important, seemed to ease anxiety, paranoia, and the depression that kept my in bed weeks at a time better than any other prescribed drug or non-prescribed drug I’d ever taken.
No euphoria. No "drug-seeking" behavior." Just felt normal.
Still got mad. Still got frustrated. Still cried when sad. But didn’t flip over the hill.
Being broke on coke and dope (what they call heroin in Chicago) I got on patient assistance through Reckitt and switched from generic to film.
I hate it.
I can’t take these things, for the life of me. They dissolve on fingers. Asked an "addiction" doc to take a drug sample from my purse where I rubbed the rest of my dose off my hands. Subsequently, like humans do, got hit with a series of intensely stressful events, learned I had no support system, lost my friends, couldn’t trust anyone.
Gave up. Waited two days and got high on heroin. For 24 hours.
I hated it.
Back on the strips the next day. Want to be back on generics, but can’t afford it. Now, my desire to stay on bupe for mental-health (rather than addiction) issues is questioned by everyone in sight. If we’re having a party (I run a quickly dissolving collective) and I say, I’ll work the door, I’m not drinking or taking drugs tomorrow –
"But you are taking drugs. You’re on Suboxone."
Sick of this. I’m not a drug commercial. I’m not a "product of big pharma." I advocate the chemical structure of buprenorphine as a fantastic anti-depressant, not the company that holds the patent like a golden ticket.
And nobody believe me.
That’s all – and it turned out a helluva lot longer than I thought.
Sorry.
Thanks for reading, though!
[…] (anonymous)
