Author: christin
Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:36 pm
I seem to have trouble sticking with things. Why won’t I stick to a regular taper schedule? It becomes so tedious that I just want to stop and so I push… a little less here and let’s see what happens. I don’t even know what I’m on now. I switched to my strips (for one, they’re expiring). I just take a little piece… maybe an 1/8. Sometimes, I need to add a bit more in the evening. So, I’m trying not to take any more than I need.
Then, I get an email from my sponsor who asked someone who was on Suboxone for two years and now is off if she could share some experience with me. My sponsor emailed me, that the woman said, "as miserable as the anxiety is, she feels the bulk of withdrawal from suboxone is psychological. She jumped off at 2mg a day."
I got ticked when I read that, I guess because it made me feel like such a loser. I didn’t ask for this woman’s experience or opinion. I feel as though my sponsor is subtly (though not intentionally) saying, "Stop being a baby about it and get off. Others have done it with no problem."
I want to do the best at everything that I do. I don’t ever want to be a whiner, but that’s how I feel. I don’t feel as though my sponsor will ever believe that what I’m experiencing is real. So, I try to tell myself that it’s all in my head. Needing to please people SUCKS! I wish that I could hide in a cave all by myself and that no one, absolutely no one, would have any expectation of me and I wouldn’t have to feel obligated to please anyone or to live up to anything.
Just venting guys. Thanks.
