Author: laddertipper
Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 12:41 am
Lillyval, I don’t know that just jumping wouldn’t be the best thing for me. Honestly, maybe it would be. I’m just too chicken shit. Bottom line. I’m too scared I will get all mentally twisted and want to do myself in. There have been a couple times I jumped for a week or a little more than a week and I remember the physical symptoms stunk, but I vividly remember the psychological crap was far, far worse. I don’t have a history of suicidal tendencies, so that was a shock to me. It was like being at the bottom of a well and there was absolutely no way to climb out, or so it seemed. I guess not knowing if my brain will take me there or how to avoid it keeps me tapering. Otherwise, I’d just jump because tapering is at least partially prolonged misery. It wasn’t misery at all until I got to the point where I was low enough that I felt even tiny drops. Maybe it would be wiser to taper and get down to the part where it gets tough and then just jump. At least that would soften the landing and I don’t think it would take very long either.
laddertipper
