Author: chinagirl
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 7:04 am
Ditto to both Ladder and Rule….thank god I kept reading and read your post Laddertipper because my first inclination was to go off! Even though I get it…I think I was very offended by someone coming on a recovery oriented site (well, imo this site is that) asking how to get more fucked up.
I hope Undercover that you come up and out of the deep, dark and lonely abyss of addiction. Pull the covers.
When you are ready we are here to help you find a way to deal with life without having to use. I never thought I’d be able to live without opiates once I found myself addicted to them. I got addicted to them in my early 30’s and never dreamed I’d end up an addict. I had access to fentanyl and after a year of taking one codeine tablet a day I started shooting up fentanyl. That cinched it all for me…I thought I’d found nirvana and for one second I did….and then I found hell. I lost myself, ended up fearing all of humanity…lost everything and going to treatment for 4 months was only the start of dealing with my life.
Usually we are using to stop feeling..to .mask the uncomfortable feelings…but they are just feelings. not good, not bad. they just are. Some of us need to deal with childhood or past issues…some don’t need to do all that…but i did. I needed to understand who I was and who I am. And why I used. It helped me to see that at that time it was what I had to do in order to survive..until I was able to face some of my past issues. When it became a problem is when I was ready to face my life.
Recovery isn’t easy, for sure. But Sub has taken away the cravings for opiates and allowed me to ramp up my recovery and do what I need to in order to live happily and serenely. It’s not perfect but my life today is immensely better. I don’t have to chase drugs, deal with the up and down of using and my brain is healing. I’m open to learning new ways to live, and for me going to AA meetings is what works. Working the steps always used to sound ridiculous to me…but I’ve come to really believe that working those steps is what changed my life. I was able to face the parts of me that I was ashamed of and deal with the guilt and then heal…have relationships, have serenity on a daily basis. I make mistakes still but I can recognize when I do and try to do things differently.
You might not be ready to hear any of this, or maybe it sounds overwhelming but I want you to know that when you are ready to make some positive changes you know where to go to make that happen. It’s up to you. This site is very informative and helpful. When people relapse they get support. When people are suffering from other life issues, they get support. So when you are ready come back and check it out. But please in the meantime don’t romanticize using or offer up using advice…it’s not solution oriented. Thanks.
