Author: Rmac04
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:57 pm
Thanks for the kind words everybody.. So I guess I am due for an update. A lot of good has happened since my last update, but the good always comes with the bad I guess. I’ll start with the good! I am on day 15 or 16 free of sub! Starting to have trouble keeping track so that is a good sign. I have been doing pretty damn good considering that I never thought in a million years getting off sub could be this easy, and it keeps getting better. I have struggled with lethargy, some anxiety, maybe a bit irritable and some mild depression but it is all very mild. Just a little frustrating more than anything because I am soo ready for this looonng ride to be over with. The last 2 or 3 days I have really started to get my energy back to a good level, surfing and running daily. I took about a week off of exercise just because I felt so tired by the time I got home from work. I haven’t taken any clonodine the last few days, but it helped immensely whenever I was feeling a bit anxious. It is a little harder for me to get to sleep at night but once I fall asleep I sleep through the night. All in all things are good..
Ok so now for the bad.. What I failed to mention to everybody is that I had stashed 4 80mg Oxy’s that I bought about 4 months into sobriety. I know my reasoning is probably ridiculous as I am an addict afterall, but Ill tell you anyway. I knew that the new anti abuse formula was coming out, and the old ones would practically be worth gold a year down the road. So I bought them with the intent of turning them around and making some good cash, but also wanted them as a safety net because I was so frightened of sub w/d and thought I could use the oxy to come off the sub. Well I still couldn’t bring myself to sell them and ended up caving on my 7th day without subs. I was just having a bad day, feeling anxious, and bored on a Friday night. I know, excuses excuses. To tell you the truth I am happy that it happened because now I won’t be tormented wondering what it would be like to use one last time. My experience was absolutely MISERABLE!! I want nothing to do with opiates anymore and this reaffirmed it. I felt like shit for a few days and def slowed my recovery from the sub jump. I realize this is just a small blip in the big picture and forced me to look at how serious I must watch my sobriety now that I am not on subs. When you are on subs it is almost like it does the work for you because you know that no matter what, you won’t get high if you use. I told my Mom immediately and gave her the rest of my pills to discard of. So here I am 15 days off subs, and 7 or 8 days removed from my relapse and feeling good about life. Ill post back from time to time but I anticipate things being uneventful from here on out so Ill check back a few months down the road. Good luck to all you fellow tapers’
