Author: laddertipper
Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:46 am
| Rmac04 wrote: |
| Well just checking back in to keep these updates going.. I am somewhere in the 70-72 day range of being off subs! And 32 days free of any opiate! I just noticed my last post was on my BDAY, and ironically enough I relapsed later that day, hence I have been sober for the 32 days since. I know what triggered my relapse, I won’t get into that, but I can tell you it was miserable and totally not worth it.
It is a trip having been off subs over 2 months now, something I never could have imagined, and what I imagined was a hell of a lot better than this. By this point I figured things would be great and I would be 95% at least physically. Boy was I wrong about that. I don’t want to scare anyone because it is not all bad, totally manageable if you have the heart of a lion, and keep your eye on the prize, but it sure is a grind. I would say my energy levels are at about 45-50% the majority of the time. 70% on a really good day once in a blue moon. I have aches in my shoulders and back off and on, and anxiety from time to time. The energy aspect is by far the worst for me, which I guess may be better than debilitating anxiety. It seems really hard to get those endorphins firing. I still feel a bit of depression and just like my brain is not right. I am hopeful somedays though so it is not all bad. I still exercise whenever I have the energy, at least a few times a week. I take a cocktail of amino acids, B complex, Vitamin C and D, Blue Klamath algae, and drink a super healthy vegan protein shake daily that also detoxes you. I sit in the sauna 5 times a week too. Basically I am doing almost everything right and still struggling. On the positive side of things I sleep ok and am hopeful despite all of this, it just honestly feels like its never going to end because the progress I make is so minimal on a day to day basis. I realize the couple relapses may have set me back, but god damn! hah If I can do this anyone can though, and let me tell you the acute phase is nothing compared to the PAWS I have experienced. I have considered getting some blood work because I feel like something is wrong with me, but I know it is most likely due to subs because I have NEVER felt like this before. Not even when I had Mono. Despite this subs turned my life around and I still don’t regret going on it, but I would have felt like a million bucks by now if I had just jumped from a short-acting agonist. If anyone is thinking about jumping, don’t stress about the acute phase if you tapered properly as it is not that bad, what you need to prepare for is the lingering PAWS. I think you just need to accept that you are going to experience some PAWS ahead of time and they may linger for a good 3 months or more. This stuff really does a number on your body/mind and it will take time to return to normal. If I wasn’t so miserable on subs I would have considered staying on them, but that was not the case. It is a very personal thing and I don’t want to persuade anybody either way, but for me getting off was/is the best option. Stay strong everyone! |
Crap, really? It would make me feel better to read this if you were a super unhealthy person and not doing everything so 100% right.
I think I’m done w/ Sub, but I already feel exhausted and I’m about 56 hours in. I got down to between 1/16 and 1/8. I kinda alternated and took 1/16 as much as I could. However, I didn’t stay there long….
It really is hard to imagine that a piece of Sub the size of the head of a pin could make any difference, yet when you don’t take it, you absolutely feel it and not just a little either. I’m more afraid of the PAWS than anything acute at this point. I feel like life and all the rest of the world will keep going ahead and I’ll be left behind. I guess it’s the same feeling you get when you’re little and your mom makes you take a nap.
You stay strong too, because this will be better very soon, and if you made it this far, you can go the distance.
laddertipper
