Author: caligirl52
Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 1:15 am
Hey guys, I am new here and very happy that I have came across this site. I won’t bore you with details…just will hit on the basics of my story and hopefully pull in some good advise about my decision to talk to a doctor about getting on suboxone. I have been addicted to opiates for the past 2 years. It started with a pill called nucynta, when I got out of hand with those and landed myself in the er with panic attacks after much to much use, I moved on to percocets and whatever opiate I could get my hands on that didn’t have a norepinepherine reuptake inhibitor. I came to absolutely love and then need opiates in my life and couldn’t really function without them. Getting out of bed was a real chore if I knew I didn’t have anything, and then my whole day would be spent trying my hardest to get something…I was taking about 12-16 10/325 percocets a day or whatever I could manage, but that was usually about my average. Once my tolerance grew and I became very scared over the health of my liver, I upgraded to black tar heroin. Never shot it, but smoked it off of foil for a bit…..then, I really didn’t like what I was becoming, so I decided to quit cold turkey and I did…It was HELL the first 5 days or so, as I’m sure you guys know, but it got better and I was so happy that I had beat it, I swear, I was high on that feeling alone. I started running again, which has always been my first true love, and I felt pretty damn good. Fast forward 1 month to now, yeah, I’m not feeling to great anymore. Still running and going to the gym but that wears off….my thoughts about using are visiting me much more often then right after that first 5 days and sometimes, it is ALL I can think about. I’m kind of going nuts. I’m a mom of 3 little girls, and I’m 31 years old. I want to be able to enjoy my girls and my life without constantly thinking about using….even to the point where I have planned out my relapse. I am having dreams about it, not able to sleep very well at all, and my crankiness is becoming more and more my set mood. I really do want to stay clean deep down but I just cannot stop these cravings and thoughts I’m having….it’s like I’m here, but not really and that is not fair to my girls….at all. I called my insurance and asked about suboxone coverage and they gave me the # to a doc and I’m going to see her tomorrow….I want to get some feedback fom you guys. I know subs are used to get through the wds, and I’m already past that but I feel like I’m in serious danger of a relapse and I have also heard that suboxone can really minimize cravings. I just want a normal life….and I thought that once I went through the physical wds, I would be able to handle the mental ones but its really not working out too well for me. Is it a good idea to start on suboxone? Please help…I just want to feel normal and NOT go back to where I was….I never imagined that there could be something I hated so much but adored at the same time and almost cannot resist….I feel torn and angry and depressed.
I would also like to ad that my father was a heroin addict for 20 years and on methadone for 10…. I want to try and stay away from methadone as it may just be too much like H…. too tempting maybe??
