Author: ReRaise
Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2011 10:27 pm
Yes Hat……you have stated your position on addiction vs dependence while taking suboxone. I will tell you that it doesn’t mean that I agree with you or Dr J.
I have said several times that if I went 10 days or you went 10 days without suboxone what would you do and no one will answer that. I will tell you that I will go back to addictive behavior to either get suboxone or my drug of choice. That means ER visits, Dr shopping or buying on the street. Yes suboxone keeps my craving and desire for opiates at bay…….but without it I have to start all over with w/d and we know from reading several post it could last up to 30 days. Again this is not my personal experience or yours but knowing how I felt after just 4 days……if my doctor had not come through with getting my suboxone I cannot tell you what I would have done to feel better……..because I wanted to die and could not control my own thoughts.
Most of us addicts will say that the worse w/d we went through was our last one……this is so true. Whether it is herion, opiates or suboxone. I have said all along that I worry that I would have to go to treatment to get off suboxone. The reason is because I am weak……there it is. I don’t want w/d……and everything that goes with it. So I keep taking suboxone.
Every month I panic right before my appointment because I know my doctor is not on the up and up. I have to be buzzed into his office……..spend 3 minutes….pay $175 and walk out with my script. I worry every month that this is the month he gets shut down. I know he is not the right doctor but I fear dropping him for another because despite the negatives I get the script. If that isn’t addictive behavior I am not sure what is.
We all have different opinons about addiction……some believe it is a disease……a choice….my family just doesn’t understand why I just can’t stop as they continue to drink and take opiates.
Some say suboxone has saved their lives……I used to believe that and if you said something negative about suboxone we might be rolling on the ground. After 2 years I am scared about what I have done and think that I could have dealt with the w/d from loratabs and moved on……but I didn’t I went on suboxone. Did I save my life……..did I trade one addiction for another…..is my brain totally screwed up. I don’t know. Addicts hate change……..I especially with a passion. Everyday I wonder if I made the right decision…..the side effects are there even though some dispute them. I have a decision to make but for now I am too afraid to stop because I know if I stopped without anyway to get suboxone I am not sure what I am capable of and the one experience I had where I could not stop thoughts of suicide makes me wonder what did I do.
So……I continue to try to learn by reading the forum and listen to eperiences but I have to tell you when a moderator simply expresses that all is sunny and bright and that all the side effects are for some other reason than suboxone makes me laugh that someone in that capacity is so close minded…….I used to be a black or white type of person that the rules are the rules……..but sometimes it just is what it is…….and that is ok.
Jim
