Author: Miss.Self.Destruct
Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:38 pm
Hey everyone 
I think last time I was here was back in May and I had recently jumped from .5 to .25 mgs.
Well, today is day 13 without Subutex. I really don’t know the exact mg I finally stopped at. It was a tiny little crumb. I realized I was thinking about every side effect and dreading every dose reduction so much that I felt like I was making myself feel worse. The past few months I was really just trying to put the sub in the back of my mind the best that I could.
I just started chipping away at my .25 here and there. I would try to see how long I could go without it. I usually took it first thing in the morning so the day I made it until 3am I decided I was just going to jump off the next day. The first night I took two Valium for sleep. I kept expecting a full blown withdrawal to hit me for the next few days. I have had some anxiety & disturbed sleep. I would fall asleep fine then about an hour later I would wake up wide awake with RLS.I have also been having annoying sneezing fits 
Still having those here and there 
! I took Clonodine A few times and Trazadone for sleep when it was needed. Both those meds help me a lot.
I still feel that lack of motivation lingering, which I hate 
!! Is that paws? When does that go away? I’m sure its going to take awhile to feel completely back to normal.Whatever I have to deal with from here on in I’m sure I can handle.
I am enjoying things I used to love though like nature,reading & Music! Omg- Music has helped so much lately! It’s like I’m hearing it for the first time. I guess just the little things in life ya know? Being with my little boy. Enjoying him. That’s what life’s about! Those little moments we sometimes can take for granted. I feel like I was asleep for the past couple yrs (my addiction+sub) and I’m starting to wake up. I’m not at all downing suboxone in any way so please don’t get offended. I just think it works differently with each person’s brain chemistry. I know some people say it helps with their depression. I think that is awesome! I wish it had done that for me but it actually had the opposite effect. I have no doubt that sub pulled me out of my addiction. It saved me and woke my ass up in so many ways. I am releived to be rid of all opiates though.
I realize this is where the tough work will begin for me! I went through my addiction which was a relapse and my sub maintenance without telling anyone close to me. Not even my spouse. I don’t know how.I’m considering Naltrexone..kinda scared of finding the same side effects in naltrexone as sub. I plan to do my research though and find the best option for me. I’m also thinking of trying some NA or AA meetings. ☺I would love to hear any questions, suggestions you all might have.
I have really missed this place
xoxo
