Author: wncgal
Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 10:54 pm
Thanks, Romeo! Love your avatar, btw. I’m a huge B&B fan from way back. 
I appreciate you sharing your experience w/ sub. That’s exactly the kind of thing I want & need to hear right now. I’ve struggled with this decision for quite some time but I’ve finally resolved myself to the idea. As I said before I’m scared and nervous but there is a bigger part of me that is really excited about it at the same time. No more chasing, counting, sneaking, lying, stressing, deceiving, stealing, etc. I’m ready to be done with all that because it’s so not me! While my story of addiction doesn’t involve a rock bottom that includes prison, hospitals, countless rehabs, divorce, bankruptcy, etc. & I’m probably what some would refer to a "functioning addict", it has certainly caused a hella lot of problems and heartache. I call it a "soul sucker" because it has truly damaged me at my core and turned me into a miserable, screwed up person. I have become someone I don’t even recognize anymore…it’s kind of hard to explain but I’m sure you all understand what I’m saying. It has changed me so much & I just long to be my real, authentic self again. I don’t know if it will happen with the suboxone or if it will come later, but I can’t wait to be able to feel fully human again. I’m just so friggin’ numb and that is no way to feel. While being numb was a welcome feeling in the beginning I’m seriously ready for it to wear off now. I know it’s going to take some really hard work to deal with actually feeling & experiencing my emotions again instead of just gulping down a handful of pills to mask them, but it’s definitely time. I just wanted to again thank all of you on here for your support. I feel like finding this forum has been a godsend and is going to play a big role in my recovery. I hope (and plan) to someday be able to pay it forward!
