Author: Romeo
Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:48 am
Hey SMF and ReRaise,
I honestly get what both of you were saying. I didn’t think SMF was minimizing my lapse, I think she was trying to keep me from spending too much time dwelling on what I HAD done instead of what I NEED to do from here.
I think Jim brings up a good point that I always need to hear, I can NOT let my addict brain minimize ANY slip I have. My addict brain is a master at getting me to forget some of my hard won lessons. Without regular reminders from others, I do tend to forget some of my lessons learned.
The thing that clearly bothered me the most about this incident last week is not so much the fact that I came near an OD situation, it’s the fact that I was ready to use again 2 days after because I got pissed at something that happened in my home life. All these things happened because I once again underestimated this disease of mine. Think about how strong this disease is, I came somewhere in the ballpark of an OD, but was ready to use again 2 days later……insanity…..shear insanity.
Of this I am sure, without constant attention, this disease of mine will find a way to get me to use. I can never again think that I have this shit figured out and that I’m good to go.
SMF, you asked, "You’ve still been completely clean and sober for the vast majority of the past year plus, right?" Yeah, I quit Suboxone on June 4th/2010. I had a total of 3 lapses whose total days number about 15. So, I’ve got 448 clean days and 15 not clean days.
