Author: Lillyval
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:46 am
Romeo – what can I say? I care about you and I feel for you. I feel the pain that you are trying to cover and I feel the seemingly never ending desire to get high one more time. Spending time this weekend with a mother who lost her son to an OD recently scares the shit out of me, for you, and for your family, who I know love you deeply, and for all of us. Thank you for coming here and talking about it – it is so important for all of us to hear.
To tell on myself, I am a very highly functioning addict, too, and honestly I fantasize about being able to get high again when I’m off the Sub, as wrong and as dangerous as I know it is.
Also, I do understand the nuance of what SMF was pointing out between a lapse and a relapse. When I was in NA I had to count taking a hit off a joint that just randomly passed by at a party as a relapse. So it took me three years of being 99.9% clean to get a one year chip. To me that sort of "legalism" was a stumbling block, and I seem to do better not counting days. On the other hand one small "lapse" can be the one that kills us so it’s deadly serious.
Romeo you’re still breathing, and it’s a new day. That’s really all we’ve got. You can go home tonite and kiss your wife and daughter. All we can do is pray for God’s will for us and the power to carry it out. Keep going, keep moving forward and we will be here to support you.
