Author: snuggles252
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:35 pm
It is 8:30pm Wed night and I took my last dose of Tramadol at noon. My appt isn’t until 3pm tomorrow, that feels like a year away at this point. I am just starting to have the first of that uneasy, "Hey where are my meds" feeling, I am beginning to get worried about sleep tonight. Thank God my mother is working from home tomorrow and agreed to watch my kids for me, who are on spring break, that was my biggest concern.
I don’t think I have ever been this terrified when it comes to my addiction, and I have been hospitalized! I feel like this is a leap of faith with lots to gain and lots to lose. My head is filled with lots of what if’s: What if I get precipitated withdrawal? What if going from Tramadol to Suboxone is a step backwards toward recovery, and What if it is not what I hope it will be, and that is my ticket out of this mess.
I just started a new job right before I signed up for treatment, I showed up for a week then quit "for personal reasons". Now I am out of work to work on my recovery, meanwhile the bills are pileing up and now clinic bills to boot. I have so much pressure on me from my family, worrying about my children, and now financial concerns, I hope it doesn’t affect my resolve to stay off the meds.
I am also worried about being on Suboxone long term. I was hoping to only be on the Suboxone for 6 weeks, so I don’t get too dependant and can easily taper off, am I being naive on that? I don’t want to start a new job before this is out of my system <sigh> more pressure…..
So at this point I need to get through the next 18 hours and then flip the Suboxone coin. I know I can do it, I’m just worried about the pain of the process.
One final question- does the clinic give you your first dose of Suboxone, or do they send you to pharmacy? It will be hard enough to drag myself to the clinic 30 minutes away, much less go to the pharm and wait.
