Author: dotto1
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:43 am
I’ve been sober for 6 weeks as of today, but this is my story. I got hurt playing baseball when i was 17 year old and was put on painkillers. It was very dissapointing to get hurt. I had scouts looking at me but the pain in my back was too much. I ended up on vicoden which ended up with me abusing them and perocets 10mgs. I was taking up to 20 plus pills a day. I decided to get off them and my expensive habit. I had heard about suboxone. I would drink during this time pretty much every day. I had seen this substance abuse psychiotrist who put me on suboxone. He started me on this pyramid cycle. I was completely off everything and i was having bad pains in body which now i see was just post acute withdrawal. He said maybe we should keep you on this a little long term and i was fine with that of course…who wants to deal with any uncomfortablity? So for 7 years i was on 4 2mg suboxone daily and i had anxiety and was given 3 2mg clonopens 3 times a day. I was put on that for 7 years as well. The doctor new i was drinking every night and even new that i was taking xanex with the clonopens and suboxone as well. I had enough with everything after a long denial that i had a problem with friends coming to me and telling me the stupid things i was doing that i didn’t recall or didn’t remember. I had also noticed a pattern of bad dates that used to go great for me. I didn’t really care about beautiful girls anymore i was more caught up w/ getting drunk and messed up. I thought i was good cause i only took the clonopens at night and drank at night. I thought that it was ok to be on clonopens and suboxon because it was prescribed. I did no realise how stupid i was on suboxone and the other suff. I really thought that the suboxone did nothing to me but stop withdrawal. I didn’t know how much it clouted my judgement. So recently i desided to go to detox and rehab. My insurance only covered 7 days of detox so they had to get me off suboxone, clonopen,xanax and alcohol all in which i was on for 7 yrs. They gave me suboxone on a tapper and they game me clonopen for the benzo and alcohol withdrawa. They wouldn’t let you no the doses of meds but the subox i new because they only make 2’s and 8mgs. I was pretty sick but they sent me packing after 7 days. I went to the rehab after detox and was unable to sleep or eat even after taking trazadone and other non narcotic drus for post accute withdrawals. I lost 27 pounds in about 3 weeks and after about a week of rehab i was rushed to the er. The techs that worked at the rehab came into the bathroom and i was non responsibe in the shower. I was very parenoid in the hospital and was having delusions and hullusiations. I thought i was a parenoid scizophrenic perminately. It took me talking to my brother who is a doctor to relise what was going on. I believe that the alcohol and benzo withdrawal did that to me, but ill never know. I left the rehab early and flew home after getting out of the hospital after 5 days. The suboxone withdrawals were very bad. My knees would lock up on me, lots of pain in legs, uncontrolable muscle contraction in stomach, the usuall sweats and aches and pains. I was told that the suboxone goes very deep into the tissues and thats why the witdrawals are so bad and long. I was definately detoxed too fast. Some other withdrawals i had were insomia which i still have, and restlessness etc. I’m starting to feel better and better every day. Its been 6 weeks since i had a drink, a suboxone, or a benzo. I have no desire to take anything except late at night i wish i could just pass out but i take sleep meds if needed really bad. Ive been told i sound so much clearer and look so much better and healthier. I was told in treatment that it will take 6-18 months for my brain to be normal again. I was also told i would experience a lot of pysilogical changes which i have. I feel like everything around me is so different but its like i was reborn. I feel like i almost had to and have to relearn how to think and stuff. 10 years of my life i was getting high..so it feels really good but weird being normal. I don’t go to meetings like i should, but think i did hit rock bottom even thou this was my first treatment. I never want to go through what i just went though again and im a pretty tuff person. I met God and the devil in that hospital, maybe i was delusional but i met them. That was a higher power moment begging God to either make me feel better or to take me. After this moment my blood pressure was no longer thought the roof, it stabilized. Well I just thought i’d share my story, and if anyone has any questions about any of the four substances i was taking and abusing hit me up i’d be happy to help anyone. I have learned a lot about withdrawals and addiction, and i have 10 yeers of experience.
