suboxone oxymorphone and doctor with liberal script policy

Let me start with some quick details and then get to the pressing issue… i must decide today/tomorrow.

I am on subutex. I take a very small dose of 1mg or less. I was on oxycodone and hydrocone, with doses of 30 mg of one or the other per day tops…. really.

Opiates scrare me very badly. I’ve been to the ER for what i thought were OD symptoms like over 10 times this year, and my vitals are always fine… but i swear that i get so scared to go to sleep because me breathing is so shallow…

anyway i cant quit the opiates becaue they are so damn useful. I finally found a doctor to prescribe the subutex…. and i told her i have pain…..her idea was to start me on OPANA which is oxymorphone instead. I tried it, and read online that up the nose is the only practical way to take it… (4 times stronger)… to me this drug was like bushing against a GIANT. However it made me feel on the "other side" of bad if you know what i mean… it’s later that i scares me, because it last 12 hrs and i dont like long half life…

I was scared so bad by the feeling that i threw my expensive prescription down the toilet and wrote a note on my arm in permanent ink to stay away from this. It is profoundly strong… for pain, and somewhat euphoric. The main differnece was that my sex life was back (subutex kills it) and it was back it full swing if you know what i mean…. totally enhancing.

So i go get another script and take it and dont sleep the entire night becuase it get scared again. BACK AND FORTH.. …

So basically here is where i am… I have an appointment with the doc today, and she’ll just have the nurses see me(she isnt even there today) and then she’ll write a script for OPANA or subutex if i choose. She will not prescirbe oxycodone or hydrocodone which is really what i need, but she will prescribe something much stronger then oxycodone, which is too strong… it doesnt make any sense to me.

Does anyone have experience with this drug…. and could you tell me anything about it. My largest problem with opiates is the DETACHMENT i feel…. i work alone, and work for hours/ or more like days at a time. I’ll feel great on the opiate and then BAM… i feel cold, scared, detached, and mostly detached. With the subutex I dont feel so detached… It really help me maintain… and i think provides anti depressive, and maybe even treats my ADD… i just feel a hint of morphine sometimes and that seems like enough… I"M RAMBLINg. but i’m trying to get to the point

I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD TAKE THE OPANA ( really helps with sex life, and make me pain free) or go on with subutex, which drains sex life, makes me cold, and sleepy but treats the opiate feeling sort of…. but with the OPANA and taking it up the nose, i feel much more isolated in addiction type thinking… I hate it. the subutex this is not the case…

I think i know the answer here, but i’m swinging back and forth, and its hard to turn down an option to have the OPANA. but it dominates my thoughts when i use it, and scares me. its a very physical drug…. like i feel like i’m on a heavy narcotic with it… eyes get glassed over, and my sig. other says i smell differnet. I feel like it cooks me from the inside…

none of this with subutex, but the sex life sucks with it… i feel more isolated and morphine like (sort of) while the opana makes me feel physically better but not mentally….

sorry to just dump on here i could use some advice…. like "hey opana worked for me, just wait a while and take as prescribed" or "opana is evil, and you’ll die of overdose"… or "sounds like addiction so just stick to subutex"…

anything please?