Author: jonathanm1978
Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 5:55 am
| Rancid wrote: |
| Thanks for the quick reply. I very much regret my slip up. I was actually doing very well on my sub treatment and was on a nice solid tapper. To be honest I caved because I just got 2 depressed. My addiction destroyed my marriage and caused a divorce. I boohoo daily about this. On subs I am able to feel all the pain and anguish that I so disparately want to avoid. Well after a year and a half of clean sobriety on Subs I finally caved. I had been trying to work out things with my ex wife but she just keeps going back and forth and it is SO taxing on me. To complicate things even more we have a wonderful 3 year old little boy that is utterly clueless, thank god. I am sure that is also part of the reason I feel so dead and fatigued much of the time. I’m sure it’s not just the Subs but has more to do with my personal problems. I don’t stinkin know… |
You really should read my story…read about what I did to my wife, the person who was my first ..and I was her first, back when we were in our teens. Now, I’m 33 and she’s 31 (32 in August). We’ll be married 14 years on June 6 of this year.
But I’m definitely LUCKY to be celebrating still being married. When I went off the deep end, 4 years ago…and stayed in the pits for 7-8 months doing Oxy…I thought to myself "she won’t leave..hell we’ve been together all these years, why would she leave me, I’m not such a bad guy, just like my pills."
Boy was I wrong. And as you can read in my story, we had 3 kids at the time. All age 7 and under.
Did I deserve the chance I got? Hell no…I didn’t. After the damage I did to our relationship, and the lies and distrust I injected into it…I did not. And above all of that, I slept with someone else…and she did — nothing. She did go out on a date, once, but the guy said she was too much of a good girl, and wouldn’t even kiss her. Why did I deserve someone who devoted her entire life to me, and who loved me so much that for months before leaving me, she put our kids 2nd, and me 1st? It should’ve never came to that…but it did. I slowly made her choose, and for a while, she chose me..
But when I cleaned up..she came back, slowly at first..but saw that I was serious. ….and with that, we started working on the things that had been hidden by addiction, and rebuilt our trust and honesty again.
Now..a couple of years into that working on things…we’re readying ourselves to have another baby, our final child..and the sweet little girl we’re expecting is due around March. So it CAN be done, there’s not so much done that can’t be undone. It just takes the willingness of both parties to give wholeheartedly and support each other. And TRUST.
Sex drive…what sex drive?? Well, I cant say that because she’s pregnant..obviously we’re doing it…it’s not what it used to be, but it’s not absent either. I’d say we’re in a happy medium with it…where I’m not a horny teenager and she’s getting it enough to keep her satisfied..We base our bedroom affairs on what the other person wants…and if she wants more, she’ll let me know.
