Author: RyKat82
Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 1:19 pm
Exactly 2 weeks clean (today at 5:35am) off of Suboxone. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP ……….. "Oh, your too kind !" " Thank You ! " " I didn’t prepare a speech ! " Anyways……
Last night I felt grrrrrrrrrrrrreat, except that for some odd reason I couldn’t fall asleep !?!?!?! I didn’t sleep one wink !!! The night before I slept for like 10 hours !!! But the wierd thing is, I still felt great ! Very much irratated that I didn’t sleep and that I had to go to work all day, but still felt pretty awesome !
I have been reading about this PAWS thing and have to say that I don’t know what to believe ? People say that its what made them use again and that their emotions were too much to handle ( depression, etc. ). Well, I am not an average person, and alls I ever wanted was to feel "NORMAL" again. That was until I actually got out of the detox period and started seeing everything for what it really was. I could see what I have done wrong and what I need to do to fix everything ! I then realized that I don’t want to be "NORMAL" I want to be "RYAN". I want to be the strong, witty, comedic person I once was ( needless to say very atractive as well )ps Sorry ladies, If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it, cuz someone already did !
What I have to say… and pardon my language is " FUCK THE 3 P’s "
FUCK PAWS
FUCK PILLS
FUCK PESSIMISM
Last time I checked, I was in control of my brain and I was the BOSS telling it what to do. Now, does this always work, NO ! If it did than the world would be all MOON PIES and PENNY WHISTLES ! But you got be be strong. I honestly believe that PAWS is that state of mind we revert to when you think you can make it without your "crutch" ! I can’t do this, I feel sad, I feel angry, I don’t want to !!!!
Well, guess what ????? People that haven’t touched a single narcotic in their lives feel like this too !!! Its called RAW HUMAN EMOTION ! Don’t let some egghead scientist doctor dick nose tell you what he "thinks" you have. Remember when all the smartest people on the planet thought the world was flat ?!?!?! How did that work out ???
I have said this in pretty much all of my posts….. MAKE YOUR OWN RECOVERY STORY ! Don’t ride the coat tales of someone else’s experience. Think of it like this, If a 220lb man and a 100lb woman had 5 shots of vodka each, who would be more drunk ??? An educated guess would be the woman, but here is the kicker…… What if the woman is a ragin’ drinker, like PRO Status and the man has maybedrank 2 times before in his entire life ? Whould that change your view on the situation ? Same with our addictions, Maybe you will go thorough a 3 day detox and be done, maybe you will go through a 300 day detox and relapse ? ONLY YOU KNOW YOURSELF ! HOW STRONG ARE YOU ? WHO DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ?
I am with all of you and know that this is by no means EASY !!! This was the hardest thing I have ever done ! But I want to let you guys out there know that all the horror stories you hear (although true) Doesn’t mean that thats the way it’s going to be for you ! I know it wasn’t for me !
I hope this helps !
P.S. – UFC 136 was here in HOUSTON last weekend and it was AWESOME !!! 
