Author: amber4.14.11
Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:32 pm
So Ive been working pretty steady since going on sub ,,, I was only a couple weeks in when I got the job I have now, and I havent had more than a four day weekend off since.
and I work late ALOT, go in early, etc. becuase my husband isn’t working rite now, and im trying to do whatever I can to support us.
anyway, our shop is closing the week between christmas and new years. of course it’s not paid time off or anything, that’d be too easy rite?? lol
Im super excited to spend time with my lil guy of course. but part of me is like,,,,, wait…..
you better make sure you stay busy!! its just this kind of shit that gets me thinking of using…….. like the time off from work, I could hide like I used to, and use and nobody’d be the wiser, right????
Just sayin……..
so Im gonna put a stop to that thinking before it goes any further,,,, I already made two appointments with my addiction therapist for that week and told her why.
I know, great step right????
On the other hand,,, maybe we could go look at new places to live!!!!
I gotta get outa this POS apartment,,,, like yesterday….
Ive lived in the same place 6 years,,,,, yes in the "hayday" of my using,,, of course becuase it’s ‘ghetto fabulous’ and there so many freaking drugs around,,, i USED TO LOVE it, I knew everyone in the complex that got pain pills……
of course the last 8 months, i WORK ALOT and keep to myself……. my hubby used to take care of the ‘knockers’ I called them. the ones that wouldnt quit knocking….. yea I dont have to tell ya what they wanted……. lol
anyways,,,,,, its time to get the fuck outta dodge. 
I really cant take it anymore.
I just feel like I deserve better now. I work so sos so freaking hard,, and im doing everything righ nowadays.
I dont want a manchon (cant even spell it!) I just want a NON ghetto fab place…
my kid deserves better too.
so maybe thats what I’ll do.
Just had to get that off my chest. I know burrying the feelings is NOT how to deal with’m.
lol 
