Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:10 am
every once in awhile, I have a day of ‘flashes’
by flashes I mean, sort of pictures, stillshots, in my head, of past events, or memories, or whatever.
I can feel the feelings from that day, I can even hear the TV or the radio in the background…… I know, wierd
They aren’t always bad, sometimes, I see my grandpa smiling standing on the front deck of his house, ready to greet me as I pull in the driveway.
Other times, Im alone in the dark locked in the closet,,,, waiting for my mom to come home from work so I can get out.
my therapist says its my brain waking up. I know I wrote about this once already in here, obviously my memory could use some improvement as well,, huh?
anyway,,,, I wish my brain would wake up already and knock this shit off. sometimes if its a bad memory, it takes awhile for me to "get over" which would be normal I guess, if I knew what normal meant.
With christmas getting closer, Im having lots of flashbacks of being a kid, at christmas time. there;s a line in a song from the nineties, I can really relate to,,,,
Some people say money is the root of all thats evil,,,
they have never had the joy of a welfare christmas
and if you HAVE had that joy,,, you know what Im talking about.
I can remember being so freaking happy to get a name brand box of cereal on xmas morning. me and my brother, each got our own box. the rest of the year it was that shit that comes in a bag,and they didn’t used to be resealable either.
so it was always stale after the first bowl, and you couldnt have another BAG til the one that was open was all gone.
but I digress
So its amazing to me all this shit I have ‘pushed down’ …. All these memories, and some of them its absolutely obvious why I chose NOT to think about. But some,,,,, Im not so sure………
One more thing to add to my notebook for the therapist.
Im very grateful I have broken the ‘chain’ for my son….