Author: Bboy42287
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:12 pm
Thank you very much Breezy for the response it def helped me relax last night sorry I didn’t post till now. The craving like you said has passed and I now realize it is not the Counselors fault for showing that video and I will not be making any complaints, but I do plan on talking with my counselor about this more so to maybe understand what had happen. I didn’t think I would react so negatively to this video but something just came over me and all I could think about is how nice it would be to get high just one time. But I went way pass that and that is what scared me because I planned out the whole thing. Skip my dose at the clinic, tell my counselor I couldn’t make it because of traffic, than lineup the day I use with my drug test at the clinic so take my test Tuesday get high Wednesday, don’t go home, to a friends or my gfs but go to the movie theater or the mall I place I can sit down somewhere that wouldn’t look odd, and then were and how to get the drugs was the last thing till I told my mom I need help take my keys my money and just don’t take your eyes off me no matter where I go for the next 24 hours. Thank god I can talk to my parents about this and they understand or I would have been in some deep shit maybe I guess that is why I need to find a sponsor or something for times like this when my parents aren’t around like I said they understand but only so much VS. an actual addict who did use at one point.
So this really helped me realize that no matter how long I have been clean this will be a lifelong issue for myself and I have to always stay on top of it and never let my guard down again. Pretty much I got so comfortable because I have been clean so long that nothing would ever make me want to use again but boy was I wrong. And no matter what drug I am on suboxone, subutex, methadone or whatever else it maybe that it doesn’t block all cravings and thoughts like that and I can’t rely that much on the medication or I will only have another episode like this it could be tomorrow or another year. I always have cravings from time to time but this one took the cake for the worst I have ever had in my entire recovery.
Anyways thanks again for listenging and replying it really did help me and I just want you to know that.
