Author: Shytype
Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 12:19 pm
As many have said, there are so many bottoms one can find upon sober reflection. I am one of those "many". My addiction began about 5 years ago with a running injury. At the time of my injury I was running 10-14 miles a day, everyday. This alone, IMO, is an indicator of an addictive nature. After said injury, I was prescribed 5/325 mg of hydro to be taken every 6 hrs PRN. I quickly learned that this med allowed me to not only run w/ my injury, but run even further. My goal had been to run the coveted 26.2, the holy grail of running accomplishments to me at the time. Within 3 weeks I was taking two before each run, then 3 and so on and so on. I milked the injury to get more. Within 3 months I was taking 60 mg of hydro a day and I now felt I needed them to get anything done. No one knew. I tried to stop but even on that dose, I would wd w/out. After 2 years of this I heard about sub. I found a dr and was on subs for 2 years. I took only sub for about a year and when I switched careers, I briefly lost ins as I did not elect cobra. I decided I could (stupid, stupid, stupid) wean off of the subs with hydro. I ended up in another 2 yr addiction…. Only much worse. 150-200 mgs of hydro, 300-400 mgs of tram and an oxycodone hook up for when I ran out of rx’ed Meds. Discovered soma this round too and my running had ceased to exist. I intentionally dropped a 15 lb weight on my foot to get Meds. I couldnt resist looking through the medicine cabinets whenever a guest in someone’s home. If a friend had sx, dental work, etc… I was the first one to offer to come by and "help". Pathetic…. 2 weeks ago I received a text from one of these "friends" or more appropriately victims of my non existent morals. She noticed she was missing percosets and said she felt it was me. She was right of course and there was no way to hide from it. I was busted. I had probably siphoned(sp?) 60 of her 84 pills over the course of a week. Talk about irrational behavior, as if that would go unnoticed!! Thing is, I didn’t care when I was doing these things. The pills were just more important. Anyways, one week into sub therapy. Doing things a bit different this time . Those close to me all know I’m an addict working on learning and adapting new behaviors. I went to a group for addicts Fri night at my church. I have one on one counseling slated to begin on Wed. It’s out there now, no more secrets. First time I turned to subs I told no one. My boyfriend, who I have been with for 7years and I live with, had no idea. I spent so much energy hiding my addiction and then my attempt at recovery that I still felt so isolated and sneaky. I know this time will be different, I feel it so profoundly that I find myself glowing with hope and excitment(pardon me for sounding cheesy but it’s my truth!) thank you to all of you who share and listen a d comfort! I feel as if I can identify with all of you in some way!
And please forgive all typos etc. I am typing on my phone and well, I’m sure you understand:-)
