Author: Dizzle
Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:09 am
Hello, I started suboxone treatment on monday at noon. I have been addicted to opiates for about eight months. The first three of which were to oxycodone and the remainder to heroin iv. I did .4 g of good black tar heroin on sunday spread over two shots. The first was around 8 am and the second at noon. I met my doctor on monday for the first time for 45 min, went into a brief history then was given a prescription for 8mg suboxone twice daily for this week. I am meeting him again on monday of next week.
I was in pretty bad withdraw the night leading into the appointment and during the appointment. I filled only four of the pills right away due to financial constraints but am getting more tomorrow (Wednesday). My doctor told me I would be out of withdraw shortly after filling the prescription and taking my first dose which was a huge relief to hear at the time. Unfortunately I found that this was not the case at all! Throughout monday afternoon I was beginning to wonder whether I should take more, if it was held in my mouth properly and for the right amount of time, and whether I was experiencing some effect from heroin still being in my system and the suboxone ripping it out.
I had to be at work at 4pm on monday afternoon and was struggling. I basically told coworkers I was experiencing some sort of bug and they sympathized with me, as I was obvious I was hurting. I did very little work that shift due to my coworkers stepping up and it being slow. Throughout the shift I was feeling slightly better as time went on and was spared the debilitating physical withdraw symptoms, but felt very achey, cold, uncomfortable in my skin, and still suffered from most of the psychological withdraw.
I got home around 10:30 and smoked some very potent medical marijuana which helped alot with some of the depression, anxiety and headaches. The weed sort of smoothed everything over for a few hours which made me a bit more comfortable. I ate a few bowls of oatmeal monday night which provided some much needed nourishment. Before it, it felt like my stomach was trying to digest itself. I spent the time after work on monday until noon on tuesday in my bed on my laptop reading this forum and a few others. I was relieved to read stories of others on here who also weren’t immediately relieved by the suboxone. It seems that most oxycodone addicts get pretty immediate relief from suboxone while those using iv heroin sometimes have trouble inducing especially if they have a good habit. This gave me hope for the day to come. I did not sleep at all monday night and unfortunately whenever I tried to sleep, things would only get worse. I had some pretty bad restless leg syndrome which was only relived by taking repeated hot showers. Tylenol PM did not do a thing for me, and I was miserable until about 6 am, but from 6 am on I was starting to feel an improvement.
With things starting to get better, I finally got out of bed around noon on tuesday and went on a bit of a jog/hike to try to get some natural endorphins flowing through those pathways that had for so long been soaked in heroin. I was also hoping this physical activity would help me sleep tonight which I am keeping my fingers crossed on (I will update tomorrow morning hopefully reporting a good nights rest). I live in the colorado front range and found a great path right by my house that leads up the foothills of the rockies. I found that jogging was too strenuous to maintain for some reason (harder than the few times I jogged while using H), but due to the elevation and the steep grade of the hike I got a great workout keeping up a moderate, steady pace.
Towards the top of the hill I sat down, did my best to clear my mind, enjoyed the view and took in an awesome sense of wellbeing from doing so. I then closed my eyes and started forcing myself to face the nitty gritty of my addiction and where it is bound to lead if it continues. I thought of all the things I was on the brink of losing and all those I had already lost. I thought of my girlfriend and for the first time in a long time was suddenly flooded with emotions about how I have not been engaged in our (currently long-distance) relationship. I cried and somehow it felt great. While what induced the crying was a rather sad predicament, simply feeling a strong emotion like that was somehow relieving. I kept thinking about these topics and let the tears flow. I was forcing myself to confront reality and to realize how badly I was fucking up. I kept this kindof train of thought going for the rest of the hike.
As I returned to my own neighborhood (around 2 pm, 24 hours after inducing) I definately noticed how much better I was feeling compared to the day before. I wore a smile on my face and got ready to go into work again. The bright sun I got on my hike made my gooseskin feel much better, and I feel that this physical activity helped to truly kick in the suboxone for me. I felt almost as good as how the doctor told me I would feel a full 24 hours before. Work tonight was so much more bearable than the night before. I was enthusiastic around customers, and despite feeling a bit crappy and exhausted, did not feel like I was in much physical withdraw at all.
I am now home from work and smoked some marijuana again. I really enjoyed smoking tonight; I know many on this board are against using any substances while in recovery but I have always had a positive relationship with this plant and felt that tonight I could once again appreciate it and its power without it just being a nice add-on to a heroin high. Its 12:30 am where I live and I am really hoping I will get some good sleep tonight as tomorrow I have a hectic day of moving in front of me. On thursday I have to move out of my place for a week and my next lease doesn’t start for a week after that. This means I get to couch surf for a week. This is probably not ideal for someone just getting acclimated to suboxone and experiencing insomnia, but I have no choice. I am hoping to convince some friends to go camping for at least a night or two during my week in limbo.
I dont really know why I bothered you all with the information in the previous paragraph, but I guess I am curious what you think about me being basically homeless and without a base for a week while still adjusting to suboxone. One of the reasons I decided to write this post was to help reassure others whose symptoms are not immediately relieved in the first 24 hours of suboxone. I want those people to know that things WILL get better. I got the itch that first night to go cop heroin at 5 am to try and breakthrough the sub and get relief, but luckily did not listen to that little bastard of a thought. I really am convinced of the benefit of some physical activity in helping the suboxone to kick in and am curious if others have been helped by this. Another really thereputic thing that helped me realize that I am absolutely doing the right thing was talking to two old childhood friends over the phone who have experience with the ins and outs of addiction. These friends did not know I was addicted as I never told them and now live in a different state, but I cant tell you how much of a relief it was just to say "hey dude, uhhh, Ive been addicted to heroin for about eight months." As those words left my mouth, the weight on my mind and the feeling of carrying this all on my own left me. Both friends agreed to be a part of my recovery in the form of phone therapy.
I am going to sign off now, but I will update frequently over the next month letting you all know how everything is going. I cant thank this community enough for helping console me that first sleepless night before starting suboxone and the next night which was also sleepless. From the knowledge of this board I was able to convince myself over those two nights not to go score dope and stick it out. WOOHOO! ADDICTION REMISSION!
