Author: Rmad9812
Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:01 am
Bboy
It was hard. Yesterday that is. But nothing as hard as today was. My wife went out of town fir work and my in laws took my girls so I could get up and be to work on time tomorrow. So I am all alone at home tonight with 10 films calling my name. But I stuck with it. Took my 8 mg today and didn’t even look at taking more.
It has taken a lot from me these past two weeks not to go back to my old ways. Some of my best friends I have known for years and are still using are still around asking me to hang out. But I think of the wd’s I went through and the time it took to get into the clinic to get on this program and the time off from work I need to take off to complete this recovery, and it all just makes sense. Stick it out, do the right thing for me, and my family. Those friends of mine will always be my friends. I just make it my duty to not engage in what they want me to engage in anymore. I wish I could just not be apart of their lives, but they are like my childhood friends, and if they see me doing good then maybe they will try to better themselves too. In time when I am well again and I am fit enough to try and show them how this worked for me and hoe it can work for them.
It’s hard yes. But I wouldn’t want to go back to the pain and suffering I put my family through ever again. God has shown me a new path, and I entend to follow it through to the end.
I have stopped thinking about tapering off. I have fully entertained the fact that I need to be on suboxone for awhile. I am setting goals now and I know it’s going to take awhile for me to vet better. I know this first month is a trial and error period and after this month is over I think I will have a firm grasp on how I will dose and where I will need to be mg wise. I still feel like I am alittle doppy sometimes and I get short of breath after a dose, but I feel a lot better this week than last. It’s all in a matter of time right?
And as for looking forward to a dose, not me. I sometimes take it as far as getting sick before I take my dose. I know this is helping me but I am scared of getting to the point of looking forward to it. I am scared of a lot of things. But I am trying to be positive and look out for my best interests right now.
Damn I miss the wife. Can’t sleep w/out my family here! Another test.
Well goodnight Bboy. God bless. Here’s to week 3! Thanks for all your input and suggestions!
